Love

What are correspondences? Swami loves to make connections, to see the correspondence of all things on each level of reality.

In the Kathopanishad, it says 'the manifested Brahman should be reached. The unmanifested should be known.'

My body is aching today, mostly around my shoulders, because I went to super macho physical worship Anusara 2+ yoga class last night. We did arm balances and wheel pose flips and one armed headstands a la tripsichore. it was about the most un-safe yoga class i ever went to. and perfect for my state of mind. because where is safety in the realm of utter destruction of my delusions? I cried in savasana, a few tears, as I had a vision of our beings here on earth. I saw that actually we are puppets, we are mere instruments of god, yet we think we are real. We think we are acting independantly, and it causes so much unbearable pain and suffering, but only for ourselves. god always knows we are His.

And it seems silly to want to get back to being a puppet and so it is exalted as a conscious choice, that that is the true mystical pinnacle of the human experience, to choose to be one with god's flow of energy. to release the illusion that I am in control of anything whatsoever, and allow myself to be guided and LIVED by HIM. only my consciousness of it brings the unity--creates the purity and essence of the point of the whole experience. This is our natural state, so many say. The others claim that we are sinners, but it is really all the same.

In relationship with him the pain of his abuse is laughable, the pain of letting go of my false wishes from him excruciating. This is also why I cried there, in savasana, a long savasana, I relaxed my entire body, I felt myself humbled by the strength in the room. I felt myself letting go of identification with myself, a renunciation of the constant barrage of identity enforcing mindstream. all the thoughts about him, about our relationship, should we shouldn't we, how can we, he doesn't fit into my life, oh wait, he fits more perfectly than anyone else. he refuses to be identified with me, only i can choose to identify with him but even that--is it a test of my loyalty, will I ever win him?

It seems all I can do is let go as completely and purely as possible. and when that is truly my state, there will no longer remain this residue of what if? What if I let go and then he wants me? No, not even this. Simply, truly, let go. with all my heart.

So my mind tells me I am depressed cause it is processing refined sugar and stirring up some non-existent intimate moments with him. thank god he never really gave me anything to hold on to in the first place. Again, I can thank him for that.